No Toilet Paper? Here Is How To Wipe In The Jamaican Wild

No toilet paper? No problem. Here is how to wipe your butt hygienically in the wild.

Having No Toilet Paper Does Happen In Life

Have you ever had to relieve yourself but found out you had no toilet paper? It’s a thought that’s enough to strike dread in the hearts of most people, especially women. The situation gets compounded if you have a runny belly. Then you really have to go for it, toilet paper or not. The biggest challenge for many people is how to go about this and come out with their dignity intact. Because going about this in a sloppy manner can really ruin your day. The smell of human waste is so strong, it defies even the most potent of air fresheners. It’s the only weapon one would ever need to send everyone scurrying for cover.

Here Is How To Do It

If you can, choose a place in the wild with a shaded grove and broad leaves in abundance. Where possible, avoid places with long grass. Why?

Because as your pooh trickles down, it is likely to get caught by the grass nearest to your feet and may find its way to the bottom of your pants this way. Once you have your spot, proceed to take up your most comfortable position.

The way you’ll squat will play a large part in determining how this will end up. Place your feet at least two feet apart, making sure your anal passage is clear. If you are really pressed, a word of caution; avoid the temptation to let go all at once. You might soil yourself unnecessarily if your body waste spools around your ankles. Or piles up and grazes your bum cheeks! Instead, let go with brief interludes in between, taking time to flex your bum muscles.

Using Soft Leaves

You can use a handful of soft leaves to remove waste, making sure to be as gentle as possible since this area is extremely delicate. Held properly, the stack of leaves create the necessary ‘buffer zone’ between your fingers and your waste so your hands won’t get soiled.

If your fecal waste is wet and runny (yuck!) and there are no leaves close to you, the trick is to swipe the length of your forefinger along the entrance to your anus. Make one quick swipe at a time, wiping off the sticky stuff with soil, sand or grass. Repeat the motion to ensure no fecal residue remains. Your bum is now ‘clean’, but your finger stinks to the high heavens. Use a combination of your own spit, sand or any biodegradable material that you can find to get rid of the smell. Alternatively, you can use your own urine to clean your finger.


If you happen to be near running water (river or stream), your work will be easy. All you have to do is wash off the entire mess, and then wash your hands until the smell goes away. If you have, use a disinfectant afterwards. Teach yourself how to go about handling this messy, but sometimes necessary business.

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